sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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