so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
