he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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