it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
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His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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