Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
