I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.