my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up