I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.