we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"