I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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