I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
