He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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