I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
