who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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