the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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