my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
