so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
me + whiskey = a bad person
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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