We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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