so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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