Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
