Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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