Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
