the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
