so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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