he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
