I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
