I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
