I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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