im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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