Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
