its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
