Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
