I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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