As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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