i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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