I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize