I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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