At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
