i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
