Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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