And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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