so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
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Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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