Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet