Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
