It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.