I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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