Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize