The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
