Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
