I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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