Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
