I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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