Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
