i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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