Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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