I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
