woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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