You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
