My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
