when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
