we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
