But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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